Tapping into old ‘mates’ who have made the ‘big time’.

Hello again Cocker … I was delighted – if slightly gobsmacked – to hear that the tossers in our wonderful Conservative Parliamentary Party had decided to make you the chuffing Top Dog!  As our great unwashed would say … Wha’ the fuck were they thinking!  But then maybe they don’t know you quite as well as I do, now do they? I’m amazed that they haven’t seen through you by now, but perhaps given the old boys’ network it’s a case of wise monkeys, eh!

Still … their loss, eh!  Now, apologies for being off your radar for … now how long is it, must be fifteen, no, perhaps even eighteen years … but don’t let’s think in terms of bad pennies, we’re fellow club members after all.  No, let’s look back … way back … when you were a freeloader … well you still are a bit of a freeloader … but maybe then a smaller scale freeloader, unlike now when the whole country is your smorgesboard!  Then you had an opinion of yourself that seemed, frankly, comical.  How wrong were we all! 

Well, mate … is it all right to call the you ‘mate’ … well even if it isn’t, I guess such considerations are only important to those who don’t KNOW you, and who understand that you might have blagged your way right to the top of the Party tree, but deep down you are still a crook – a shyster, a con artist.  If you’d been born to a different family and hadn’t been with me at Eton you could have been born in Brixton or Toxteth … you would have been called a hustler … destined for jail … you’d likely be in Pentonville now, not Parliament …..  Still

Let’s not dwell on the past … I was bitter, of course I was … jealous, maybe.  After all, you’re not brain of Britain, not George Clooney, not Pavarotti … no real skills or talents … but … well, enough of all that … Good to catch up with you again.

So … down to business!  I guess you knew there would always be a day of reckoning … but nothing too lethal or even costly for you – not your money after all … So, I have a proposition for you … I have a company that could use a leg up … I could supply … well, whatever it is that needs supplying … I’m not fussy …leave that to me … I’m what you might call an ‘entrepreneur’ … well maybe not me, but I know people, who know people, who know people … like I know you, eh!  Don’t need to agree on the minutiae of the how, when, etc.  Leave that to me …  

But, matey, if you were inclined to find more reasons to decline, than to accept my suggestion, I think you’d be rather silly.  Nobody knows more about you than we do … your old mates.  Believe me, we’re better with you than against you, eh?

But obviously no threats needed here amongst ‘friends’ … just think, as a real hustler, this is right up your street, now isn’t it!